Ever seen management put a positive spin on a negative concept. If people are fired, the term that I have seen being used now-a-days is rightsizing or rebalancing instead of firing or layoffs. Every heard a used car salesman talk about selling used cars ? Nope. His profession is to sell ‘pre-owned’ cars.
How many times during a pep-talk have you heard the terms – ‘low-hanging fruit’,’value-add’,’enterprise leader’ (if everyone’s a leader, then are there any followers ?? ),etc.
What are some of the office buzzwords you have encountered that you felt were either funny, annoying or slick ?
Meetings!!!!
The most unproductive use of time iat work is named Meetings….very few places have a proper agenda and people come prepared most of them are on the fly…and in my previous job we had pre meetings and pre pre meetings to prepare for the final one….
“xyz executive is leaving us due to a career opportunity in a startup” / “xyz executive is leaving us due to personal reasons”
could all translate to “xyz executive has been let go due to inadequate performance” 🙂
And then when “xyz” goes and “abc” comes in there is a reorg…..damn we just had one reorg 6 months before we dont even have a clear idea of our group’s position and reporting hierarchy and then “abc” wants to get all past performers he worked with in his previous job…and new hierarchies are created and new positions and then you know its time for “abc: to explore oppurtunities in other startups
– Brainstorming: Also means blamestorming where people have a free pass to blame the others especially, the ones that are not in the room 🙂
– On a “go-forward” basis: henceforth
– Paradigm shift: Meaning we are inventing another way to screw up
– Piggy backing: Expanding the objectives of the project in order to let it die under the added weight
– Comparing apples to oranges: Also means that I do not have brains to extrapolate the current findings to other situations
– Not enough bandwidth: Meaning, I am too dumb to process 2 tasks at a time or I am too busy surfing internet to take interest in other things around or no one knows me here 🙁
– Reinventing the wheel
– Flogging a dead horse
– Roadmaps
– Synergy
– Opening up the Kimono
– Can of worms
– Multi-approach: i.e. trial and error
– Taskforce:
– NIH: Not invented here so we don’t care
– CMA (Cover my a**)
– SDT: Standard digression time during meetings without agenda. Usually, associated with individuals
Ok.. I have exceeded my lunch schedule. Got to get on with the tasks here.
usual New Hire note:
Please join me in Welcoming meaning ek aur bakra mil gaya
Weekly Status meeting wherein folks talk about what has been done for 45 mins and last15 mins everyone realises there is good chunk of things thats not done….
Working from Home….meaning i have exhausted my PTO but need time off(no personal offence)
Sick Leave….why cant they just give them as PTO’s why the hell do corporates force us to be sick
we are equal oppurtunity employer …why wont you be?
1. WFH – Working FOR Home
2. Aligning resources or shifting resources to convey layoffs/cuts or outsourcing…
3. Strategic consolidation…meaning cost cutting…please dont ask for raises and no bonuses…
Also Amit when companies give only PTO and no sick leaves…people use up their PTO and when sick come to office and make others sick…On the other hand when you feel you are getting sick, with sick leaves people stay home….Also unpaid PTO has to be paid…sick leaves don’t get paid…Thats the funda companies use…
Euphemisms for slogging day, night, and weekends:
– Stepping up
– being competitive
– Being deadline oriented
– Attacking the problem from all the directions
Liberating captive assets: Stealing office supplies
– Target rich environment: Areas loaded with potential customers
– CIP (continuous improvement program): a program to debug unfinished product after it is sold
Corporate Layoff Euphemisms:
– Normal involuntary attrition
– Delayering of workforce
– Create exit strategy for work force
– Major uninstall
– Eternity leave
– Helping stem the dangerously high employment rate
Looks like the term rebalancing is in the archives now. Delayering seems to be the new buzzword (atleast as of March 2006) according to this amusing WSJ article. The next time they should hold a game of housie at the departmental or company meeting. Everytime a buzzword is encountered, then you strike it off the card, and if you get a full house, you can cry aloud ‘FULL HOUSE’ ;).
Wonder why reorgs happen only for upper & executive management, when it is we (and by we I mean all the non-executive Kutchis.. I know someone is smirking) who do all the work.
Some are able to take a short cut (are on the fast track) to upper management while others “pay their dues” (another euphemism for slogging it out or being on slow track) before moving up.