It is the year 2020 and call centers are opening all
over the West, as the new economic power India
outsources work to the countries where many jobs
originated. Millions of Americans, still struggling
to adapt to a global economy, are willing to accept
jobs that pay them in a new currency sweeping much of
the world: URupees.
Some of them, eager to land one of the customer
service jobs from India, are attending special
training sessions in New York City, led by language
specialist Dave Ramsey, who goes by a simpler name
for his Indian clients: Devendra Ramaswaminathan.
On this warm afternoon, the professor is teaching
three ambitious students how to communicate with
Indian customers.
Professor: “Okay, Gary, Randy and Jane, first we need
to give you Indian names. Gary, from now on, you’ll
be known to your customers as Gaurav. Randy, you’ll
be Ranjit. And Jane, you’ll be Jagadamba. Now imagine
you just received a call from Delhi. What do you
say?”
Gary: “Name as tea ?”
Professor: “I think you mean ‘namaste.’ Very good.
But what do you say after that?”
Gary: “How can I help you?”
Professor: “You’re on the right track. Anyone else?”
Jane: “How can I be helping you?”
Professor: “Good try! You’re using the correct tense,
but it’s not quite right. Anyone else?”
Randy: “How I can be helping you ?”
Professor: “Wonderful! Word order is very important.
Okay, let’s try some small talk. Give me a comment
that would help you make a connection with your
Indian customers.”
Randy: “It’s really hot, isn’t it?”
Professor: “The heat is always a good topic, but you
haven’t phrased it correctly. Try again.”
Randy: “It’s deadly hot, isn’t it?”
Professor: “That’s better. But your tag question can
be greatly improved.”
Randy: “It’s deadly hot, no?”
Professor: “Wonderful! You can put ‘no?’ at the end of
almost any statement. You are understanding me, no?”
Jane: “Yes, we are understanding you, no?”
Professor (smiles): “We may need to review this
later. But let’s move on to other things. Have you
ever heard Indians use the word ‘yaar’?”
Randy: “Yes, my Indian friends use it all the time.
Just last night, one of them said to me, ‘Randy, give
me yaar password. I am needing it to fix yaar
computer.”
Professor (laughs): “That’s a different ‘yaar,’ yaar.
The ‘yaar’ that I’m talking about means friend or
buddy. You can use it if you’ve developed a
camaraderie with a customer. For example, you can
say, ‘Come on, yaar. I am offering you the best
deal.’ Do you understand, Jagadamba?”
Jane: “Yaar, I do.”
Professor (smiles): “Okay, let’s talk about accents.
If your client says ‘I yam wery vorried about vat I
bought for my vife,’ how would you respond?”
Randy: “Please don’t be vorrying, yaar. She vill be
wery happy and vill give you a vild time tonight.”
Professor: “Vunderful! I mean, wonderful. You have a
bright future, Ranjit. And so do you, Jagadamba. But
Gaurav, you haven’t said anything in a while. Do you
have any questions about what we’ve just learned?”
Gary: “Yes, Professor, I do have one question:
Wouldn’t it be simpler to learn to speak Hindi?”